APPLE AND BLACKBERRY

I need to give you some background to this extremely simple recipe so bear with me whilst I tell the somewhat painful story of my collecting blackberries this time last year and ending up grossly disfigured for a couple of days on account of being stung mercilessly.

It was a sultry late summer’s Sunday afternoon in Reading, and we were both in the lower garden doing what we do best, Lawton dressed to kill in his bee suit attending his lovelies and dreaming of the day we’d be able to pot our precious honey, whilst I picked blackberries. I’d already gathered and frozen a fair few as the blackberries were early that year, but there were still loads to pick and as the apples were ready it seemed a good idea – the definitive smell of early autumn for all the Lawtons is the soft scent of homegrown apples and blackberries slowly stewing with cinnamon in the kitchen, to be consumed in a crumble or just on their own with a spoonful of Greek yoghurt.
MMMmmm …… Greek yoghurt…..

Anyway, we’re both in the garden, Lawton with his bees, me with the blackberries and a half-filled bowl. I can see Lawton putting the hive back together and guess his work there is almost done when a bee comes along buzzing round my head. I’ve been lectured on this though and am not unduly worried – stay still, let the bee do his job and he’ll go away when he’s done. So I stood still, and stood still a bit more, then stood still a bit more and it was whilst I was standing still and thinking, how long do I give this standing still malarkey, when another bee came along, buzzing round my ear. I can’t shift my head as I didn’t want to make any sudden moves, and can just see out the corner of my eye Lawton making as if to go back to the house. “Ermm, Lawt”, I called, “how long do I give these bees before I move?” Lawton slowly ambled over to where I was standing but before reaching me, another bee had landed in my hair and I could feel it getting tangled up, at which point I got a bit twitchy. “Don’t move” said Lawton”. “Move??” said I – “I’ve been standing here for five fucking minutes now not moving and now this bastard has landed in my hair – and, fuck, it’s stung me now. What do I do?” I can see several more bees now buzzing around and I’m becoming slightly nervous. Lawton’s in his bee suit and well protected – I’ve got a tee shirt on. Then another sting, then another, then another – after which Lawton says “I think you’d better make a run for it – they might’ve set off the danger hormone”, and I’m thinking, great – how fast do I have to run? Will they all chase me like in a cartoon and I’ll be running with my arms stretched out in front of me with a swarm of thousands of bees just behind and will I make it to the house in time before being covered in bees and stung and stung and stung until I’m – like – dead, dead, dead. So, with all that running through my mind I make off for the house but in my haste trip up the steps leading from the lower 40 to the upper garden. I pick myself up and belt along like a whirlwind, faster than you’ve ever seen a Lawton fly before, to the kitchen slamming the door behind me. When I looked out the window there were three bees outside.

I then took the time to survey the damage done. I had four stings which may not sound much but boy were they painful; one on my scalp, one on my right eyebrow, one right at the corner of my right eye and one under my chin. Witch hazel and antihistamine were applied and the full results seen the next morning when I looked like Charles Laughton’s Quasimodo with Bell’s Palsy.

The pain went after about five days; the swelling took a little longer to go down. Was it worth it? Well, no, of course it wasn’t, but apple and blackberry remains one of my firm favourites either in a crumble, or naked with custard, or as a jam, in small pies or as an ice-cream (which I made and surprisingly turned out lovely), or warmed up and put in a pancake and served with some vanilla ice-cream, or as an apple and blackberry fool, or apple and blackberry meringue pie or on me museli, and no doubt I’ll be taking a chance again this summer only I’ll have my running shoes on.

So – the very easy recipe:

1 kg homegrown apples
500gms homegrown blackberries
Sugar to taste
Pinch of ground cinnamon or cloves – optional

Put the blackberries in a bowl of salted water and leave to stand for a couple of hours. Fish out the dead insects, leaves and other greenery that rise to the top, and pour off the water. Rinse a couple more times. Peel, core and chop the apples. Place both in a saucepan (use a stainless steel one as the fruit will discolour enamel and use a stainless steel spoon to stir), add the sugar and spice and heat slowly, stirring until the sugar has dissolved, Put a lid on the pan and cook gently until soft. Freezes well if you've got loads.